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Advice Columns
Published Every Wednesday Afternoon (PST)
Question: "It's been a roller-coaster for me the last couple of months and I have been struggling with myself. I have been struggling with trying to keep a positive mind just to keep myself alive. It scares me that I am easily discouraged and I get so low that I consider doing the one thing that would prevent me from completing my journey. Here I am, alive, but still struggling and there are still times when I think it's still a better idea to kill the pain inside. I prayed last night and I felt peace... but I still feel pain and grief right now. Sometimes I feel so detached and so unaware and numb, but pangs of pain and grief sneak in even when I'm 'dissociating'. As the days go by, I find myself yearning more and more to finally be home."
Psychic Advice:
Thoughts of suicide and depression are very serious, and it is important to reach out to a medical professional or call a crisis line to speak with someone right away. During these times, it is vitally important to ask for assistance, and talking to others can help get some of the weight off your chest.
People have a tendency to isolate themselves and withdraw into a dark cave when they are depressed. Not only does this not help, but typically it only intensifies the depression as one is left alone with one's negative thoughts and feelings, which continue to spiral downward. It is important to break the patterns of depression, because people tend to develop habits as a way of coping, but these habits can often support or even worsen depression.
Depression, like life, is a journey. Every thought becomes a step on this journey - negative thoughts take you down, while positive thoughts lift you up. The more you focus your thoughts and feelings in either direction, the more up or down you will feel, because each thought alters biochemical reactions in the body.
Life is a roller-coaster ride, one that can be difficult, painful and challenging. The human experience involves emotion, and those who are highly sensitive are often prone to depression. Depression can strike anyone from any walk of life. Being wealthy, beautiful and successful does not save a person from depression, just as being poor, unhealthy and failing does not necessarily cause depression. Depression is not the result of one's circumstances in life, but is the result of how one feels about oneself and one's circumstances in life. In essence, depression is a response and a reaction to the perspective one holds toward one's experiences.
Depression is a well-worn path that descends rapidly. For those who suffer with depression, it can be far easier to be depressed, or to sink further into depression, than it is to climb out of it. Depression often leads to feelings of utter hopelessness and despair, which leads people to have suicidal thoughts as a way out. These thoughts only deepen the depression further.
Suicide is not an escape, and does not set one free from feeling pain or helplessness - in fact, it is a trap. Those souls who commit suicide as an escape from the pain of their life find themselves in a holding pattern, watching the rest of their life play out without them, and seeing all of the places where they could have made a difference in the lives of others. It is very much like the movie "It's a Wonderiful Life". As long as you are alive, you can still change your life.
It takes courage to live life, and to face its challenges with heart and with strength. It is easy to get discouraged and disheartened, but when one is calling for death, what one is really calling out for is change and transformation, because that is what death is. A suicidal person wants their suffering to end, but death is not the answer or the solution, change is.
For a depressed person, however, everything becomes a struggle and an effort. It can take all of one's strength, will and energy just to get out of bed and face another day, but another day means another opportunity to choose and change things for the better. The very idea of this can seem overwhelming, because a depressed person often feels overwhelmed by the tremendous weight of life. Every step feels like one is sinking into the floor, as if one is carrying a ton of weight on one's chest, It can feel like an extraordinary effort just to lift one's head up.
A depressed person often retreats into numbness and seeks out habits or substances that will numb their feelings. The pain can become so acute that one just wants to rip one's heart out in order to stop feeling. In these cases, anti-depressants can be helpful, but numbness is not bliss, and does not entirely stop the pain or grief.
Depression is an inner struggle and a battle between life and death. Each thought either promotes life, or discourages it. The solution is not so simple as just thinking positive thoughts, because this can continue to create ups and downs as the pendulum swings from one end to the other. For now, simply focus on feeling peace, which brings you back into balance.
As often as you can, take a deep breath and breathe in the word "peace" into every part of your body. Let your body relax with each breath, and allow your body and mind to receive peace. This is the beginning of the healing process, which occurs one step at a time, one breath at a time, one thought at a time. Allow yourself to sit and stand tall, holding your head high, and imagine that you have a pillar of steel running through your body, giving you the strength to face what is in front of you.
Decide what is really important to you, and focus only on those things so you are not overwhelmed by everything. Break tasks down into steps, and take them one step at a time. Practice saying "no" to the things and people that no longer feel good, and start getting a sense of what does make you feel good and what gives you joy and pleasure. Watch out for reaching for habits, which are only temporary coping mechanisms, but instead look for the things that really make you feel better.
Climbing out of depression requires change. You must allow yourself to change the way you feel about life and about yourself, and you must do this by changing your thoughts and actions. Simple things like taking deep breaths of fresh air can make a world of difference, as the oxygen feeds your mind so you can think more clearly and positively. Taking a walk also shifts energy and can make you feel better, especially if you walk in nature, near water or trees, which can be very healing and uplifting.
Home is here for now, and you must find ways to feel at home within yourself. Each life serves a purpose, and we are not free to truly move on until that purpose is complete. For some, that purpose may be to overcome and heal their overwhelming pain, and by doing so, to be able to help other people. Essentially, the pain we feel gives us a greater capacity to have love and compassion for others, and for ourselves.
Instead of focusing on the dark tunnel that you feel you are in, look for the light at the end of the tunnel. Set goals and intentions of what you want your life to be like, and each day, take one step in that direction, even if that step is only thinking about it. Allow your thoughts to support you in creating that change, and give yourself permission to have the life that you truly want. Keep praying and asking for help, but only ask for what you really want so the Universe can support you to create that. Life will and does change, and you can choose to change it for the better.
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Copyright ©2007 Grace & Grace Associates Consulting, Inc. All Rights Reserved
"Responsibility is power. You have the power of choice.
You are always responsible for the choices you make and the actions you take."
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