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HOW TO INCREASE SELF ESTEEM AND
SELF CONFIDENCE IN ADULTS

Question: "I have had recurring conflicts with people. I do not have many friends and sometimes feel very lonely. I keep wondering what it is that I am doing wrong. Even my family is distant. On top of that, I constantly have money problems, its like money comes in but something always happens and I never have enough. My debt is too biG, money is scarce and so are my intimate connections. How can I bring more positivity in my life?"

Psychic Advice:
You are certainly not alone in having these issues - many people have them. Essentially, you are pushing people and money away because you feel somehow unworthy and unsafe. This is a question of self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence. It can be challenging to learn how to increase self esteem and self confidence as an adult, but it is absolutely possible.

Most of the damage to our self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence happens in childhood, but can affect us throughout our life. These issues can affect our ability to succeed, to prosper, and to have healthy friendships and relationships. If we have experienced wounding in the way we see ourselves and feel about ourselves, it can have devastating consequences in terms of what we feel we deserve to experience in life.

If we have had hurtful and distant experiences with our family and those closest to us, we have a natural tendency to wonder if there is something wrong with us that is causing that response from others. A person who grows up in a very critical, judgmental or abusive environment will tend to think that they somehow deserve to be treated badly. They may develop issues with trusting others and don't feel safe with other people, so they tend to push others away or withdraw from the world.

When it comes to friendships, quality is far more important than quantity. Having many superficial friends can feel just as empty and lonely as having too few friends. The most important friend you will ever have in your life is yourself.

We often hear how important it is to love ourselves, and some people find this somewhat challenging to do, especially if something in their childhood made them believe that they were not lovable for some reason. If you cannot find it in your heart to truly love yourself, you can at least choose to be a friend to yourself.

Many of us are our own worst enemy. We tend to sabotage our happiness at every possible turn, doing things that we know are not really in our best interests, like spending too much money, or eating too much of the wrong foods, or being with people who are not good for us. We also tend to attack and criticize ourselves mercilessly, being far harsher on ourselves than anyone else. In essence, we repeatedly break our own heart and hurt ourselves.

If your upbringing planted the subconscious belief that somehow you are not worthy of love and happiness, then you will find ways to push love and happiness away, including money and relationships. You are allowing money to come to you, which is good, because that means that you feel worthy of receiving it, so you probably believe that you do a good job and therefore you have earned it. The fact that money doesn't stay means that you have a hard time believing that you deserve joy and happiness. The debt weighs heavily upon you, not allowing you a sense of freedom or joy. Debt can create feelings of guilt, which increases feelings of unworthiness.

When there is never enough money, it is a symptom of feeling that somehow you are not enough, and that you are not good enough. As long as a person feels this way or holds this subconscious belief, there will never be enough of anything, including love, money, friendships, etc. Even worse is that when people believe that they are somehow wrong or bad, they tend to feel bad and believe that they deserve bad things to happen to them, so they draw those negative experiences that reinforce their beliefs.

The only way to overcome this is to befriend yourself, and not allow other people or external circumstances to determine your sense of your own worth. You don't necessarily have to love yourself, although that is always the best thing, but you do have to choose to like yourself. If you like being with yourself, other people will like being with you as well. You will not be so worried about what other people think, so you will feel safe to be around others, and not fear their judgments or criticism. In essence, when your relationship with yourself is whole and intact, other people cannot hurt you, unless you allow them to.

Think of all the things that you truly like about yourself and about your life - and write them down. Each day, try to accentuate these aspects, putting as much time, energy and focus on them as you can. If you like your eyes, then take time to admire them throughout the day, and enhance them as much as possible. If you like the way you write, then make sure you take time to write, and acknowledge your own efforts.

When you do something you are proud of, tell yourself that you are proud of you, and reward yourself in some healthy and truly beneficial way. You have to be your biggest fan and your own cheerleader, because no one else can really do that for you, and even if they did, it could never be enough to compensate for you not doing it for yourself.

By taking the time to focus your energy and attention on your gifts, talents and positive attributes, you will increase your sense of self-worth, and you will attract more love, joy, money, prosperity, and friendship into your life because you will feel worthy. The way to increase positivity in your life is to increase your positivity toward yourself. In doing this, you will learn how to increase self esteem and self confidence in your adult self, and you will heal your child self as well, and thereby change all facets of your life for the better.



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